I Wish I Was Wrong….

This might not be the popular opinion or the “right” thing to say but experience has taught me that women aren’t always nice to other women. The notion of women bringing other women along I think is at times just talk of politicians….you want to believe them, you cast your vote for them and then you realize that their moral compass doesn’t always point in the same direction as yours. I’ve had two disappointing experiences lately with women that have reminded me that a sisterhood only seems to exist if there is no competition or the other woman isn’t dressed better, weighs less or has a happier relationship. What has happened to a culture where what is good for one of us is great for the cause? I go to lots of events and meet lots of women around town. My recent run-in’s have ironically involved instances with women who are both in charge of  a networking group specific for women. Doesn’t that seem backwards? Help me to understand… you start a woman’s networking group and preach about this sisterhood of women and then you either get intimidated by a member’s success or feel challenged by the lack of opportunity coming your way. I find myself becoming highly selective of the women I now surround myself with because trust is no longer an assumption. The generations before us fought hard to get a seat at the board room table and yet this next generation doesn’t seem to appreciate the sacrifice and wants to tear it down by infighting instead of building on the success of our predecessors.  I’m disheartened by what I am experiencing in the market place, but at the same time it makes me only celebrate the small but mighty group of women I choose to have in my professional and personal life. I know wholeheartedly that these women are my cheerleaders, my collaborators and my partners. We appreciate that when one of us succeeds, it just means there is more opportunity for all of us. Do you know who is really in your small but mighty group of women?

What are your experiences? Can we get back to a culture of collaboration and bringing other women along or does the taste of success drive us to be competitive in a detrimental way? What needs to change in our corporate culture? Can you really name the 5 women in your life that “have your back” versus trying to stab you in the back?

I really hope I am wrong and my experiences are unique to women in general. If that’s the case, it’s time for a little self-reflection but my gut tells me I’m not wrong…so where do we go from here?

I think I see the next topic at CADY being formulated!!

4 thoughts on “I Wish I Was Wrong….

  1. I unfortunately have to agree with you Nicole. I find many of the points you have discussed to be true of most (not all) women. We are bred to compete with one another; for love, attention, and jobs. We are taught from a very young age through most media outlets, we need to be the prettiest, smartest, most perfect woman we can be, and most certainly more so than the next woman. We measure our success by who has the most material things, or the better paying job or the smartest kids. In a world where we have come a long way, yet still do not see a woman as our next president, we are still groveling and clawing our way to the top, even if we have to destory one another to do so.
    It is very hard to find a balance between the will and strive to succeed, yet stay true to ourselves and not hurt others along the way. I have always believed, you must treat others as you want to be treated. If you want better things in your life and want others to also want good things for you-you must also, wish good things upon others. I can say, I know who the women are who “have my back” and they know, I have theirs too. And I agree if we as women, all practiced this principal more, the Sisterhood would be bigger, better and stronger. Keep doing what you’re doing! You are an inspiration to me and I am sure women everywhere! 🙂

  2. Great post, and something I’ve also thought and struggled with over the past 15+ years. I try not to put a different (i.e. higher) expectation on women than I put on men. And I also try to emulate the great women (and men) who made an effort to support me in my career.

  3. I’m sorry you feel that way. I’ve found similar but only within 2 environments – sales and entrepreneurship. In those environments what I’ve observed is that women become as men – ubercompetitive, two-faced, and just plain nasty.

    But the really interesting part for me is that they’re only this way when they’re jealous of you. You have something they want or have achieved something they cannot.

    So, you go girl! And count yourself lucky that you have 5 women in your corner.

  4. Nicole!!

    Sad but true!! Unfortunately, this is a situation that I’ve had to deal with on more than one occasion – in my personal AND professional life!! Over the years, it has become easier to process but it still hurts the same after all this time!! I am a true believer in “what goes around, comes around”, so I continue to do my part and help others whenever I can. Those of us who really do support each other will receive our blessings over and over again, as entrepreneurs, sisters, role models and friends!

    Thanks for sharing!!

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